Ken Curtis Fan Club.

So, "Gunsmoke" is a show that is actually new to me, because I never really got to see it in syndication until recently on ME TV. The run of "Gunsmoke" overlapped my early years, but my memories of 1972-5 could be called hazy at best. I was too busy learning to walk and talk and use a big girl potty to pay much attention to tv, and westerns weren't really my parents' bag, anyway. For some reason, the character of "Festus" bothered me. The idea of the rural character who can barely be understood isn't too much of an oddity--Boomhauer on King of the Hill boasted a dense patois that I vaguely understand. Brad Pitt's character in Guy Ritchie's "Snatch" was well nigh incomprehensible, and one of the running gags in the long-running Italian police drama Commissario Montalbano is that the character of Catarella is barely understandable and frequently gets big words and proper names wrong.

But Ken Curtis, who portrayed Festus, had a voice that didn't match up with his face. But I recognized it. So, I had to look into it, and he was a big-deal singer with the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra and the Sons of the Pioneers. And, while his character on Gunsmoke was notoriously scruffy, Ken Curtis himself cleaned up beautifully. And in early episodes of Gunsmoke, they even let him sing. So weird he played such an odd character, but then had, you know. That voice. Glad I checked it out.

All Wormholes Are Probably Connected

Okay, this is probably me watching waaaaayyyy too much genre tv, but when I read this story this week, all I could think was, well no duh, they're a network of stargates.

Hold My Butter While I Wreck This Career

It's pretty difficult to have a more disastrous week than Paula Deen in the "managing one's appearances" area as, to all appearances, it was revealed that she had some fairly shocking ignorance that she has to work through. The Daily Beast covers some of the worst from the deposition in the discrimination case filed against her, which includes not only admitting using the "N-word", but also referring to her former employee as a "piece of pussy" and describing an idea for a wedding with African-Americans as servers in as a reminder of a southern plantation, kind of missing the point that the antebellum black servers in those times would have been slaves, and that people might feel some kind of way about that. Deen capped this week off though with one singularly bad day, missing an exclusive interview this morning with Matt Lauer on the Today show (although actually doing that interview would probably have been more ill-advised, come to think of it) and issuing not one, nor two, but three video apologies. The day was ended with the Food Network deciding that they really could not go ahead and renew her contract, y'all.

What has been particularly bad about this is that Deen herself doesn't seem to have grasped that it really isn't a question of how awful "the media" has wanted to depict her, but how awful keeping ignorant opinions about people and using hurtful language really is. People can refer to the recoil at racist or sexist language as "political correctness", but at then end of the day, it's only simple correctness to treat people fairly and respectfully, to consider their feelings, and not making the effort to do that as soon as you realize that your prejudices and the real world are colliding is just foolish. It seems like Deen hadn't really come to that level of introspection about it, and her apologies as a result seem awkward and forced. She seems to realize that her wounds are self-inflicted, but she still doesn't quite see how she got them.  And that is a shame.

I am Not Going To Hate-Watch "Does Someone Have to Go"

There is this show that is apparently going to be on FOX and I can't even. I'm going to start with the title, though-"Does Someone Have to Go".  This is what you ask an insufficiently-trained toddler in order to discover whether potty-time is immanent. It is not what you ask people to understand whether someone should lose the job with which they pay their bills and support their families. Deep-down, I want this to be a hoax, like where the "millionaire" in "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" wasn't an actual millionaire, and where it turns out that the punchline for people who wanted to watch some group of people fire somebody because they kind of think it will save all their jobs is that the show was designed just to see whether tv-watching folks at home have actually got quite enough schadenfreude regarding their fellow-workers to continue enjoying our disposable society. But I won't actually tune in because, feh. Watching cubical-rats turned into a literal feral rat-race is not my cup of post-work brain bleach.

Reality television should not try getting real.

This is my pop culture blog--so, Charlie Sheen. Where do I start?

I've laughed at and been uncomfortable with Two and A Half Men since the initial episode. And yet I've watched it all, every episode, many times. Why is that? Why am I, a feminist, watching a show that seems so rooted in misogyny? If I value the rights and well-being of people with mental health issues and want to bring awareness to the the problems of destrucive and abusive relationships, why am I watching this....pretty badly-framed, nonsense-ridden show?

I think it's because I recognize a lot of the ugliness of our culture being exposed in it. I think it's because as a person who has dealt with alcohol issues, the character of Charlie as a highly functioning and unrepentant alcoholic fascinates me. "Alan's" (Jon Cryer's character)  classic schlemeihl quality is a good source of humor. And weirdly, in the midst of a somewhat misogynistic show--the women have actually been on occasion the strong, sensible, reasonable characters. Berta (Conchata Ferell) is a working class philosopher, strong, independent, confident in her size and really, has some of the best lines of the show. Her libido, her casual ethics, and her biting humor are great asides. Evelyn, (Holland Taylor) is a Mater Terribilis. And yet, even though she is depicted as a domineering and even selfish woman--there are aspects of her I love. She seems an early-adopter of sex-positive feminism. She takes pride in the success of her career, She's genuinely a romantic--she believes in love even after it has stiffed her a bunch of times. She's sexually vibrant and doesn't give a shit who knows it even if she's a grandmother. And the depiction of her sexual fluidity is also fascinating. She's a hetero-dominant bisexual.  And  Judith (Marin Hinkle), Alan's ex-wife, is also presented as bisexual. I find it fascinating that recurring, strong female characters--who often are depicted as the emotional "heavies" of the show, both seem like reflections on non-heteronormative and unapologetic feminism. I think I might be loving the characters the show wants me to dislike.

But I can't quite place how I'm supposed to feel, or what to even think, about Rose (Melanie Lynskey). She's highly-educated, sensitive, nurturing, and is supposedly dangerously obsessed with Charlie. And the things she does are clearly not normative. And yet--even if she is depicted as a sympathetic character, her behavior isn't socially acceptable and her relationship with Charlie isn't healthy. But no one addresses the idea that she might need help--instead, borderline violations of the boundaries of lovers seem commonplace in 2.5menville.

Anyway, I used to appreciate the show for having a weird vibe that sometimes struck notes that weren't all that bad (the episode where one of Charlie's exes comes out as a trans man and dates Evelyn is sort of  touching, and almost like, wow, this is almost nearly an open-minded and not totally mainstream-opinion-fuxxored show.) and yet, watching it makes me identify the show via the tiger-blood, machete, Twittacular star of the show--one Charlie Sheen.

I first saw him at the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That movie came out in 1986. I have therefore at least known of Charlie Sheen for 2 decades. And I worry. I don't know how to worry about someone I know of, but don't know. I also don't know how not to worry. I know he's bright and verbose and witty. I know he's charming, I know he has a history of abusing women.

And to me, that's one horrible thing.  The deal-breaker. One respects women--or one isn't ready to embrace the whole of the brotherhood and sisterhood of man.  I want him to be better than now, and I want him to own that he treated people wrongly. I don't want him to overdose, and if he' s got an organic issue mentally, I want him to get the best of care--full stop. Because it all looks like such crap from my vantage--all his bravado, and all this disaster happening around him. To me, this all feels a lot like I'm watching someone I know dying. I don't have to approve of everything in his life to find that really upsetting. I know of his father and his brother. I feel like I know him well enough that I would mourn his passing.

So, if he gave a shit enough to listen to fans, I 'd hope he'd hear someone like me, who just thinks he needs rest and perspective. And to think about himself and his family. And to admit this isn't winning if so many of the people around him are losing because of what he's doing.

RIP, Barbara Billingsley, age 94

She was best known for her role the "the Beaver"s" mom on "Leave it to Beaver", but I think I first saw her in this clip from Airplane!

"'Bleep' My Dad Says"--SHATNERIFFIC Autotune

For a show that seemed to have a thin premise, this one does have a pretty good cast going for it, and it has found a quirky niche--it's about a kind of generation gap--which is a thing I think hasn't been said for sometime, But maybe there is a generation gap between I think they are going for Boomers and X-ers. Although I am not sure. I don't actually care. I just think Bill Shatner is the funniest actor ever, having read his books. Not that he isn't a compelling serious actor as Kirk--especially in STII.

Sesame Street--Gimme FIVE!

This is so awesome that if you were not about during the '70's and early 80's, you totally missed out--



I think more modern sounds prevailed in the late '80's etc.

That sound was down. This was a great way to learn. I'm ridiculously pleased that was something I saw and learned from as a kid.

Easy Reader (aka Morgan Freeman) from the Electric Company--

With Rita Moreno! We didn't know back then the awesome talents who decided to teach us how to read and learn phonics and sound things out. I know I should be tickled with some of Morgan Freeman's recent serious roles, but for me, he won't do a thing cooler than Easy Reader. That was the bottom line of cool when I was a kid learning to read, and I'm still mightily enamoured.

Fred Rogers About PBS

Fred Rogers was the man when I was a small child watching television. I think he taught and demonstrated compassion and understanding, and set a positive example of managing feelings. He understood what being a kid was like and how to talk to us. I really liked feeling I was part of his neighborhood when I was a kid.

Jingle-riffic! I just want to go on about jingles.

Some of them are really good pieces of music--and some are just capricious, burrowing ear-worms. I thought I'd litter the brain of my casual wanderer-in with some memorable jingles.


First, I have to single out the work of Barry Manilow. There is not a single jingle-writer on this planet, to my mind, who was better or more influential. You can take or leave "Mandy". But you can not deny the influence of these:

State Farm:



(The "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there" is his--iconic. Used for years.)

Band-aid:

Like so many of these things, you can't find the good, original ad--the one with a very young John Travolta. Here's an '80's version:


Same song, basically.

I think it's actually disputed whether he was the Dr. Pepper jingle-writer on the internets--Wikipedia says Jake Holmes wrote the actual song. Anyway, it was a kick-ass jingle, so enough about Manilow:



He also didn't do the "You Deserve a Break Today" McDonalds' jingle, but it's still interesting:




how just the "You deserve a break" bit could be inserted in differently-themed jingles.

Here's just a really neat iconic ad:



Now, it pre-imagines the "Real thing" campaign, it's multi-national, it's hippie-riffic, and in a way, it tingles the same "universality bone" that this Youtube thingie "Where the Hell is Matt?" did. It's water with caramel coloring, sugar, citric acid, caffeine and flavoring, and just incidentally tastes awesome with rum or whiskey. It's not going to give us world peace. But still, nice ads.

Here's one that always gets to me:



Aaron Neville, give me back those sentimental tears you jerked out of me over undie-fabric! This jingle is the equivalent of "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof. It makes me unaccountably misty.

Yeah, Richie Havens, you too:



Are we selling the brotherhood of man, or clothes that you will totally "f" up in the laundry inside of five washings, amirite?

One more:



The fabric of my life is spandex. Let's just keep that straight. Lots of elastic and spandex.

Anyway, let's devolve to the obvious:



Have you ever seen a Weinermobile on the road? I have! It makes one so weirdly satisfied: I have seen a Weinermobile. Now I can die, fulfilled. You wouldn't actually die right then. But still. It's like a four-leaf clover or something. You wish you could make a Polaroid of the Weinermobile just to have it wash out in thirty years like many of my baby pictures did. It's a big f'ing deal.

Anyway--that was me, reminiscing about jingles. One of the things that occupy my brain.

More miserable earworm t.v. themes--

Seems I must have mentally blocked-out a few!



Did you know that you can sing the lyrics to Gilligans Island to the song "Ghost Riders in the Sky"? Go ahead, try it. Now that you know that, your brain won't ever stop trying to do that. You're welcome. Also, almost all Emily Dickinson poems fit "The Yellow Rose of Texas". (You know you want to--"I like to see it lap the miles and lick the valleys up...." I learned that from the post-WKRP Howard Hesseman show Head of the Class.)

Oh--here's a song I had in my head like, a couple weeks ago:



Someone brought up the show Small Wonder in conversation at work because we have a co-worker named Vicki. The theme is so weirdly retro and Lawrence-Welk-ish to be matched with a show whose premise was basically that artificial intelligence in the form of a small girl could eventually pass a Turing test. I don't think the show ever really acknowledged that the idea of a very life-like small child was kind of creepy in an "uncanny valley" kind of way. Also, the idea of a super-strong child-like intelligence was usually used to accentuate the ironic physical strength of a robotic construct diguised as a child for comedic purposes, while more fascinating questions regarding what really is a sentient being were left unsatisfactorally answered--also, Vicky usually wore the same dress all the time. That's very like a robot, especially if she never had BO. A dead giveaway, if you ask me.



What is worse than having the TMNT theme in your head?

I'll tell you what--you could have Oshikuru in your head. "Oh oh oh oh--Oshikuru!" Yeah. You can't unhear that. That isn't even a real theme song to a real show. Damn you, Two and a Half Men! Damn your stupid souls to hell!


Oh, this video leads to a whole jukebox--


I Dream of Jeannie is not a rerun I often watch--but I've had it stuck in my head after watching "Ferris Bueller" (which is the first movie in which I ever saw Charlie Sheen, who is in Two and A Half Men--he's at the end, as a juvenile delinquent who the Jennifer Grey character meets in the police station. Everything flows. Everything.) I like this link because it leads to some eighties-ishness.

Okay--next thing I post is retro, and well, this is the words to the Andy Griffith Show:



You can't unhear that, either. Again, you're welcome. Isn't that better than just whistling? And won't that be stuck in your head, too?



A lot of my generation drifted aimlessly through life, taking drugs, binge-drinking, never really fitting in anywhere. It's because of Saturday morning programming, and stuff like this in our heads. Will Ferrell is a very talented comedian who nonetheless felt compelled to do movies based on Bewitched and Land of the Lost. Both movies sucked--I blame the brainwashing from the evil movie themes.

For what it's worth, I'm glad I don't have access to the Star Trek Theme with words. That would probably wreck me.

A couple of PSA's--

(I'm not ragging on PSA's, I just feel out of the loop--are these still a part of kid-time tv viewing? I think I've seen more parody ones than real ones lately.)

T.V. shows that I killed with my eyeballs.

This was a peculiar notion I had when I was in my early teens: my loyal viewing of any show was liable to cause its cancellation. It seemed to me that it happened too frequently to be coincidental. I watched--shows died. This is a, well, random selection of the sorts of things I felt terribly guilty for killing--by the simple act of watching them.*

Manimal



Is there some way in which a guy having dangerous adventures that he can get himself out of by turning into any animal he chooses not the coolest idea ever? Well, obviously people thought not. I later realized that this show would be so much cooler if he only had a twin who could, whenever he made himself into some kind of animal, make herself into something related to water. Then the trick would be how they'd combine their powers in a neat way....

Misfits of Science



I think I liked the idea of this show because of the "superhero" angle. I was at the age when, according to Marvel comics, I totally should have started noticing my mutant powers. (Don't laugh. There are sillier dreams to have locked in your deepest heart of hearts than a desire to fly or shoot lightning bolts. The ability to write moody poetry and the sprouting of a reasonably impressive bosom aren't crime-fighting or world-saving "powers", but they were pretty much the only changes I got out of puberty. It took maturity to learn how to use wit and wile for any earthly good. I'm still learning.) This show was gently humorous and eccentric--I think someone should try to do something like it again. (But not if they are going to ruin the idea of a superheroes show like Heroes did. Totally great and auspicious beginning. Became confusing and unwatchable after not even two seasons. I'm still bummed. My t.v. jinx again?)

Dean Paul Martin was the son of crooner Dean Martin, and he died in a plane crash in 1987. Which is really sad. He really had the acting gift and comedic timing from his old man.

Shadow Chasers



Now, I thought this was a brilliant show. They had an "odd couple" sort of pairing of an anthropologist and a sort of dodgy tabloid guy who went "Scooby Doo" in following supernatural cases. I can hardly recall anything more about the show than that. This fact is a source of sorrow for me. Usually, I have crystal recall of the most useless things--this should probably be viewed as proof of the show's quality. I can't recall a damn thing of whatever I read from Proust. But I have theme-songs to more tv shows than you ever saw stuck in my head.

Probe

This is a snip from the first episode:



I liked Parker Stevenson. He was my favorite Hardy Boy, too. I mean, Shaun Cassidy was alright, even if his album sat uneasily next to the mysterious Kiss album whose name I've forgot, a couple of K-Tel soft-rock compilations and the ouevre of Leif Garrett. His genius character was eccentric, and some of the science bits were actually not offensive to my "Skepticism for Dummies" teen-brain. I blame the failure of this show on the underfunding of public schools.

Voyagers!



This was a great idea. The idea of time travel actually offers sooooooo much potential in the way of plot and scenes and story lines--oh, but because it was genre, it got a bad time slot and died like they are supposed to. But here's the fun--it had Meeno Peluce who is the brother of Soleil Moon Frye of Punky Brewster fame. And the sad, Jon-Erik Hexum died very shortly after this show because he fired a handgun with a blank at his own head, presumably unaware that the blank is still a projectile of sorts fired under pressure that could cause damage or kill. He died.

* I realize quite after the fact that my tv-viewing tastes aren't like everyone else's. I love genre and awkwardness and things that feel "new". But I also have a high "camp" threshold, where I tolerate some damn silliness, also. I no longer think I kill tv shows with my watching them--but I do sometimes, superstitiously offer shows whose content I might like, a grace period by not watching their programs for a while until they've gotten popular. So Highlander managed five full seasons before I started watching, but Raven only saw one. I refrained from watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer until the end as well. I remain fascinated by the correlation (which I know is not causation) between dead genre shows and my having watched them.