This is my pop culture blog--so, Charlie Sheen. Where do I start?

I've laughed at and been uncomfortable with Two and A Half Men since the initial episode. And yet I've watched it all, every episode, many times. Why is that? Why am I, a feminist, watching a show that seems so rooted in misogyny? If I value the rights and well-being of people with mental health issues and want to bring awareness to the the problems of destrucive and abusive relationships, why am I watching this....pretty badly-framed, nonsense-ridden show?

I think it's because I recognize a lot of the ugliness of our culture being exposed in it. I think it's because as a person who has dealt with alcohol issues, the character of Charlie as a highly functioning and unrepentant alcoholic fascinates me. "Alan's" (Jon Cryer's character)  classic schlemeihl quality is a good source of humor. And weirdly, in the midst of a somewhat misogynistic show--the women have actually been on occasion the strong, sensible, reasonable characters. Berta (Conchata Ferell) is a working class philosopher, strong, independent, confident in her size and really, has some of the best lines of the show. Her libido, her casual ethics, and her biting humor are great asides. Evelyn, (Holland Taylor) is a Mater Terribilis. And yet, even though she is depicted as a domineering and even selfish woman--there are aspects of her I love. She seems an early-adopter of sex-positive feminism. She takes pride in the success of her career, She's genuinely a romantic--she believes in love even after it has stiffed her a bunch of times. She's sexually vibrant and doesn't give a shit who knows it even if she's a grandmother. And the depiction of her sexual fluidity is also fascinating. She's a hetero-dominant bisexual.  And  Judith (Marin Hinkle), Alan's ex-wife, is also presented as bisexual. I find it fascinating that recurring, strong female characters--who often are depicted as the emotional "heavies" of the show, both seem like reflections on non-heteronormative and unapologetic feminism. I think I might be loving the characters the show wants me to dislike.

But I can't quite place how I'm supposed to feel, or what to even think, about Rose (Melanie Lynskey). She's highly-educated, sensitive, nurturing, and is supposedly dangerously obsessed with Charlie. And the things she does are clearly not normative. And yet--even if she is depicted as a sympathetic character, her behavior isn't socially acceptable and her relationship with Charlie isn't healthy. But no one addresses the idea that she might need help--instead, borderline violations of the boundaries of lovers seem commonplace in 2.5menville.

Anyway, I used to appreciate the show for having a weird vibe that sometimes struck notes that weren't all that bad (the episode where one of Charlie's exes comes out as a trans man and dates Evelyn is sort of  touching, and almost like, wow, this is almost nearly an open-minded and not totally mainstream-opinion-fuxxored show.) and yet, watching it makes me identify the show via the tiger-blood, machete, Twittacular star of the show--one Charlie Sheen.

I first saw him at the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That movie came out in 1986. I have therefore at least known of Charlie Sheen for 2 decades. And I worry. I don't know how to worry about someone I know of, but don't know. I also don't know how not to worry. I know he's bright and verbose and witty. I know he's charming, I know he has a history of abusing women.

And to me, that's one horrible thing.  The deal-breaker. One respects women--or one isn't ready to embrace the whole of the brotherhood and sisterhood of man.  I want him to be better than now, and I want him to own that he treated people wrongly. I don't want him to overdose, and if he' s got an organic issue mentally, I want him to get the best of care--full stop. Because it all looks like such crap from my vantage--all his bravado, and all this disaster happening around him. To me, this all feels a lot like I'm watching someone I know dying. I don't have to approve of everything in his life to find that really upsetting. I know of his father and his brother. I feel like I know him well enough that I would mourn his passing.

So, if he gave a shit enough to listen to fans, I 'd hope he'd hear someone like me, who just thinks he needs rest and perspective. And to think about himself and his family. And to admit this isn't winning if so many of the people around him are losing because of what he's doing.