Celebrities for Your Consumption?

There is, obviously, a fascination with celebrity and carnivorous consumption on this humble blog, so naturally, this little site that promises to one day make literally taking a bite out of your favorite celebrities a reality has piqued my interest. There is a tongue-in-cheek quality to it that makes me suspect that this is actually a riff on our consumption of celebrity culture (seriously:

The Franco salami must be smoky, sexy, and smooth. Franco's meat will pair with lean, strong venison. Sharp Tellicherry peppercorns and caramelized onions provide Franco's underlying flavors, complemented by a charming hint of lavender. The Franco salami’s taste will be arrogant, distinctive, and completely undeniable.

 as opposed to a real dystopian cannibalism-fetish wish-fulfilment scheme--but I have been wrong about things before.

As it is, the more technical details of thing lend themselves to the suggestion of this being a hoax--like the still cost-prohibitive nature of vatted meat production on any kind of retail scale. Also, celebrities would naturally be circumpect about offering up even a trifling sample of their genetic meterial because of what might be done with it--if charcuterie itself were not outre enough. For one thing, in a world where celebrity-stalkers is a very real thing, and paparazzi and disturbing fan letters alone can give one sleepless nights, who wants to run the risk that some odd person out there develops a real taste for you and decides they would settle for nothing less than a chip off the original block, as it were?   For those who would go through with it, imagine the negotiations for licensing rights for name, image, and protection of said meat? And given what the likely final consimer price would be, naturally a demand for authentication that one was genuinely getting a Bieberburger or whatever could lead to some disputes as to the actual % of Biebermeat vs lamb or just some average mere human vatted muscle tissue. The headaches of this being a real thing abound.

So nearly plausible, but just a bit...off.

Random Meat: The Angel of Meat

It's been awhile since I've posted a random meat picture. This is "The Angel of Meat" by Mark Ryden.  It's evocative of the way the meal on your plate is a gift. Flesh is a gift. You are made of meat. Ruminate on that.

Meat the Future: From the Printer to the Plate?

  As you can gather from the Strangely Random ouvre, I'm something of a fan of meat. And yet, I'm also something of a fan of the environment, as well as a person concerned about the ethical questions raised by our eating the other species of animal that we share our planet with. I don't subscribe to the concept of the "dumb animal"--from observation, I've come to the conclusion that pigs, cows, chickens, the animals that we have domesticated and enjoy as food, are capable of feeling and thought, even language, of a kind. No, it isn't like our version of feeling or thought, but, still. They aren't people, but they sure aren't things. For that reason, I'm fascinated by the technological answer that might avert the ethical issue--3D printer proteins! Mechanically-generated meat! How in the hell does that work? Well:

Modern Meadows CEO, Andras Forgacs, tooks to Reddit recently to answer questions that people might have about his company’s technology. If you hadn’t heard, Modern Meadows is developing technology to bioprint meat and leather goods. Funded by PayPal cofounder Peter Theil’s Breakout Lab, Modern Meadows has successfully printed a 2 cm x 1 cm x 1 mm artificial muscle. Although the price point for bioprinted meat is still outrageously high, $326,700 for their first sample, Forgas believes his company is creating the future of humanely sourced meat.

So far, very expensively. But if you think about it, it has some serious potential. One could program the ideal marbling. Boost the compostition of Omega 3 fatty acids. Do away with gristle, but maybe still retain the flavor of gelatin. And I'm a little concerned about where the materials that the printer extrudes come from. Until they've worked this all out a bit, I think I'll just work with the grass-fed, free-range, local source meats I get at the Whole Foods.

Random Meat--Nothing but Love for you, baby

The post could have been called "Heart-Shaped Chuck".  But I'm not sure that is chuck, and I actually do have nothing but love, and the occasional meat picture, for my readers.

Random meat-

Hot dogs don't tell their pigtail--until artists tell it for us. Eat the pig.

Random meat--The Comfy Chair!

It goes with our decor, but the real trick is keeping it clean.

Random Meat--Picture of everyday things made of meat.

There is no good reason why everyday things should be made out of meat. But there they are. This is what my Random Meat series is all about. Random. And meat.

Random Meat--hotdogpuses.

Even if you are squeamish about seafood, you can still enjoy the loveliness of octopus with an interesting decoupage approach to preparing hotdogs. Simply cut the lower half of your hot dog into "eighths" to create "legs".  Oh--and if you fry this thing, seriously? The legs spread out and curl up and look even more octopussy. Which is a really awesome feature in an obviously great appetizer for your next water-themed thing? Right?

But you can still serve your sardines, mussels, whathaveyous. You just won't get the same applause!

Random Meat--not your cup of tea?

This appears to be a teacup, saucer, and spoon all made of meat. Probably bacon. If I were to drink tea from a cup fashioned from bacon, I think I would go with a lapsang souchong.  The smoky flavor would be very complimentary to the pork flavor. Also, I think instead of my usual Splenda in tea, I would use just a smidgen of maple syrup. The lovely thing is eating the tea service instead of washing-up, making the idea not only aesthetically pleasing but dead practical. And delicious!

Belated St Patty's Day Not-entirely-Random Meat Offering

This, of course, is corned beef with cabbage, potatoes and carrots. It is supposed to be the epitome of Irish cuisine.  I, for what it's worth, love the way boiled cabbage, potatoes, and carrots come out in a dish like this, where the ingredients can be cooked ensemble in a crock pot or in a large stew pot on the stove top.  The flavor of the corned beef enhances the vegetables and makes them very brothy and agreeable.

The sticking point for me is the corned beef. It's boiled beef and it's pink. I've cooked meat in ways that I would considered bad--I braised a great big turkey leg in wine until it had the basic consistency of Happy Fun Ball.  I've broiled strip steaks for a period > 8 minutes. (No, don't hate me. I was young, I didn't know. The crispy bits were really reminiscent of well-done beef bacon, so it wasn't all bad. No, they weren't an inch thick, even. Thus, the crispage. In future, I will always do these in a pan w/butter and close attention!)  But boiled beef just feels wrong to me.

Don't get me wrong. My mom has made pot roast,  even crock-pot beef, that has been tender and not without flavor, but when I'm presented with a roast cut, my first instinct is to roast. And when I see pink meat, I am either looking at ham or the inside of my rare skirt-steak--I just don't get corned beef (except as a luncheon meat, in which case it is truly delicious and ridiculously good with cole slaw or sauerkraut on a nice rye bread.).

I prepared corned beef with potatoes and cabbage all of once. My first husband was full-blooded Irish and very proud of his heritage, so I wanted to make a meal for St. Pat's that expressed my appreciation of a heritage I share (like, I think 25%? mixed with sundry other things).   It wasn't the worst meal I ever made (That was the braised turkey.) It wasn't even bad. It needed, perhaps, a story to go along with it, about the history of Ireland and why this dish was part of our culture. As it was, we had leftovers that went to the back of the fridge for a bit. They went blue, not green after several weeks at the back of the fridge, and we didn't even save the plastic container.  It may be the dish wasn't all it could be because I'd never had good corned beef and potatoes, so I didn't know how it ought to taste, and maybe somewhere a great plate of these can be found.

Knowing now that salt pork was the original meat at the center of the cuisine makes a difference to me, though. I've long appreciated the flavors that pork fat imparts in vegetables from doing greens or lima bean in pork hocks; I think I may want to revisit this dish to see if it can be done in a more flavorful, and authentic way. Although, thanks to my current, Italian-American spouse, my answer to this dish is going to look like pan-fried prosciutto with fennel in the place of cabbage and the spuds will also be fried, unless I decide to serve my fennel and prosciutto over potato gnocchi. Yummmmm. Irish/Italian fusion doesn't sound so bad, right? Or, to get down to the boil and the cabbage, start with a mirepoix of onion, celery and carrot, and then dump in minced savoy cabbage, and have them simmered with pork hocks that were already roasted so they were ready to yield the best of their gelatinous flavor and  a couple quarts of vegetable or chicken stock. Simple, peasant-style eats, but done, you know, with intensity.

No Prell-tasting green food colored beer. Just the kind of food my Irish ancestors would have found an affordable bounty.

Random Meat--it's been a long time since I've rock and rolled.

This is a picture of someone who is delighted to have a box with meat in it. And who wouldn't be? From the marbling and the bright red color, you can tell that this is a pretty good steak, but really, this should be promptly wrapped and refrigerated--or slapped on a skillet, at her nearest convenience. As the meat is pulled from a box, and there appears to be no mess, I suspect she might have some dried aged beef, which might be why she is happy to pose with it, but if that's the case, the color isn't quite dark enough. But lucky her if her box has some properly seasoned aged steak.  I suggest she acquire a nice Beaujolais and for an easy veggie dish, quickly braise some tender asparagus spears in a pan, and then, dump the water and finish'em with a little plus gras butter and pepper. Add a mixto salad with oil & vinegar and a great loaf of bread, and you simply can't eat better. If her meal is that easy and built around a great piece of beef--no wonder she's smiling!

The reason for the Season--Random Carno:

Um. Meat art is so often so wrong. And yet, I want that as the picture on my Generika cards.

Random Meat--just in time for Chanuka

Okay, it's seasonal and other blogs have posted it, so it really isn't that random--




But I can't help it.

Random Meat--what is the punchline with this, anyway?

People are made of meat. We, too, are flesh. We could totally be eaten by bears. Think about that. Or sharks. You know what? Piranhas. Totally. Could be eaten by piranhas= us. That's poignant, okay?

Could we be that pig? Is that pig, us? Is it? It that pig even any Swino-Americans you've ever met?


That's just wrong. A pig, slicing itself, defies all conventions of discourse. No pig does this. We, the humans, like ham, and we kill pigs to eat it, because we are like wolves and bears and sharks: predatory mammals. Pigs don't accomodate us by self-slicing. This is just wrong and weird. It also defies physics.

Random Meat

Yes, it is a meat Starship.

Appropos the previous, Lady Gaga has Explained her Attire--

Lady Gaga Says She's "Not a Piece of Meat":

"If we don't stand up for what we believe in and if we don't fight for our rights, pretty soon we're going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones," Lady Gaga, 24, told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres on her TV program broadcast on Monday.

"And, I am not a piece of meat," she added.

There. That's been said. And I think she has a really great point there--we aren't just objects. We think, we feel, we want things--and we are too often objectified, carved into who we ought to be according to someone else's ideas of what our "select" parts are. That makes me say this: I am not your Filet Mignon. I am the whole heifer. And my happiness lies in kicking down human veal pens, personally.

That was insanely metaphorical. But I hope my drift carried.

Anyway, I stole fair-use "borrowed" this picture of Gaga hugging Cher, I love Cher. She's been like, a constant source of awesomeness for me, ever since the Sonny & Cher Show which I was riveted to as a kid, and I honestly sang along to her greatest hits like a weird loner throughout my adolescence, acting out karaoke-style performances. She is iconic and one of my favorite folks.



For what it's worth, I appreciate that Gaga represents all of her "little monsters". She's young, but her heart is totally in the right place--and no, not just a piece of meat.

Slightly less Random Meat--Again with Gaga---

What is she trying to say with the "carnographic" duds? I think it might be a commentary on the transitory nature of fashion, and how fashion is a form of "consumption" and has little to do with practicality or even attractiveness, but then again, I could just be getting too deep.

Today's Random Meat Brought to You by--Lady Gaga.

We presume that that bikini in question is intended for one wear and is then....barbecued?

Random Meat--this is so wrong.

Meat meet feet? Feet, meat. Meat on feet? Not very neat. Would socks help? (Maybe if they were sausage casings....)

Random meat--you know it would also make good aromatherapy--

MMmmmmmm, bacon smoking on a hot lightbulb.....

Damnit folks, I'm a dreamer.