I think "The Collector" is required watching.

I'd never even heard of this movie, which is probably ridiculous, and everyone else already knows about it. I only caught it today on some antenna-based movie station, which probably had it as a "horror" genre film in line with the coming Halloween holiday--which falls short of its meaning. But this tense, well-acted, psychological thriller starring Terence Stamp ("Kneel before Zod!) and Samantha Eggar actually is a brutal story about a Nice Guy who kidnaps a woman and basically works through so many dynamics of misogyny and abuse that it is practically a handbook of what fucks woman-blaming Manboys be.

This might not be a movie for everyone. It represents a stalker and kidnapper who has isolated a target and cut her off from everything, controlling her behavior--not always through violence, but sometimes through manipulation and even seeming pleasant at times. Such a stalker! He buys art books, makes tea, buys toiletries! He provides a place for his victim to stay and proclaims he's a gentleman and pretends he's above violence, but the drama between his need to control and her desire to be free is tense and real.

The title comes from his hobby of collecting butterflies. There is a deep scene where he shows his victim his collection, and she comes to the realization that she has been collected, like a thing to be had, dead, just like they are.

I'm not going to give away all that unfolds, but it is grim and sad and still and all, compelling and revealing. I'll admit I was rooting for a way for a happy ending to somehow come out of it.

Spoiler alert--no, watch the movie. The movie and the novel, by John Fowles, are available at Amazon. And probably elsewhere if you skulk about more than I did.

May the Fourth Be With You!

This is kind of a significant holiday in my mind, even if it isn't a national holiday. (My sort of drunk neighbors across the street celebrated Derby Day, because it involved Bourbon beverages and because they could not wait for Cinco de Mayo, also known as the day we venerate fermented agave products. They may have not known what to drink for Fourth Day, but the answer is, whatever, so long as the force is with you. I have the force with me, because I Drink, or Drink Not--there is no Dry.)

The reason I like remembering Star Wars in a holiday sort of way, though, is because it was, yea, verily, the movie they now call Episode Four that was the first movie I ever saw in a theater. Oh my, yes. My cousin Joan took me to the Crest theater which was one of those old-timey affairs with one, count'em, one screen.  If you had to pick one movie to be your first in-a-theater movie though, you could have done far worse.  I was a little kid, so every image imprinted on my impressionable brain, and a lot of things were decided.

Leia was awesome, because she knew what she was doing and was like, the leader of the rebels, which naturally made her the hero of the movie, thank you very much.

Luke Skywalker was awkward and was very lucky to run into Obi-Wan Kenobi, or he would have been totally stuck shooting wamp-rats and watching his toenails grow.

I totally decided things about what is a cute boy because Han Solo.

And the scene where they ended up in the trash compactor has given me anxiety to this day--not because the walls were closing in. Oh, no. I am a person who would be at home in a straitjacket--give me hugs or give me agoraphobia (hashtag, TMI). It was the dirtiness that bugged me. It was wet and there was squishy bits. I to this day do not like being in close contact with squishy dirty things.

I also think it isn't surprising that I saw Obi-Wan as a grandfatherly figure and thought his death was terribly sad from Luke's POV. But it wasn't until I was older that the destruction of Alderaan seemed like the enormity that it actually was.  And now this is, to me, about as symbolic of the badness of the Dark Side as the corruption of Anakin and the slaughter of the Younglings--the Dark Side brings destructive senseless shit.

I think you understand why anyone would want to be a Jedi when you are young, but you don't get the Dark Side and why it sucks so hard but still appeals to some, until you get older. In other words, Star Wars has been a big part of the prism I view my reality through.

Celebrities for Your Consumption?

There is, obviously, a fascination with celebrity and carnivorous consumption on this humble blog, so naturally, this little site that promises to one day make literally taking a bite out of your favorite celebrities a reality has piqued my interest. There is a tongue-in-cheek quality to it that makes me suspect that this is actually a riff on our consumption of celebrity culture (seriously:

The Franco salami must be smoky, sexy, and smooth. Franco's meat will pair with lean, strong venison. Sharp Tellicherry peppercorns and caramelized onions provide Franco's underlying flavors, complemented by a charming hint of lavender. The Franco salami’s taste will be arrogant, distinctive, and completely undeniable.

 as opposed to a real dystopian cannibalism-fetish wish-fulfilment scheme--but I have been wrong about things before.

As it is, the more technical details of thing lend themselves to the suggestion of this being a hoax--like the still cost-prohibitive nature of vatted meat production on any kind of retail scale. Also, celebrities would naturally be circumpect about offering up even a trifling sample of their genetic meterial because of what might be done with it--if charcuterie itself were not outre enough. For one thing, in a world where celebrity-stalkers is a very real thing, and paparazzi and disturbing fan letters alone can give one sleepless nights, who wants to run the risk that some odd person out there develops a real taste for you and decides they would settle for nothing less than a chip off the original block, as it were?   For those who would go through with it, imagine the negotiations for licensing rights for name, image, and protection of said meat? And given what the likely final consimer price would be, naturally a demand for authentication that one was genuinely getting a Bieberburger or whatever could lead to some disputes as to the actual % of Biebermeat vs lamb or just some average mere human vatted muscle tissue. The headaches of this being a real thing abound.

So nearly plausible, but just a bit...off.

Being Secret Santa Sux--But I Can Help

We've all been there--the dreaded "Secret Santa" or "Pollyanna" drawing, where you have a set dollar amount to give something not-awful to a co-worker or family member. I have some coping strategies beyond the gift-certificate that might make you look like you did good. Real good, even.

The thing to do is take a good look--

Is her manicure game up to the minute?  If you have a giftee who always looks polished, right down to the fingernails, something like a multi-pack of nail top-coats, especially one that includes a nice on-trend version like a matte finish, might be neutral enough to be useful and appreciated (OPI has a nice set). You can probably rest assured that your giftee already has a manicure set with all the fixin's.  This is a nice step up.

Does he have a favorite color? Because seriously--you could not help but notice all the blue sweaters, blue ties, the blue parka, the blue swim trunks. Think inside the crayon box, and get a nice accessory that matches the favorite color of your giftee--scarves and gloves are appreciated for certain climes--but a color-conscious watch might be just in time.  (Although if you know someone who just likes color and always likes to match--there's nothing wrong with a gift that covers the rainbow.)

Sometimes you might find someone who isn't material at all--surely they have a great charity that you can donate to on their behalf! Maybe the giftee fosters animals, or cares for the environment. There are many ways to show your love by gifting worthy organizations, and that might give both of you a glow. You might want to consider giving to your local animal shelter, or maybe giving through Greatergood.org (which partners with some sites which are pretty good shopping.)

Is your giftee organized and then some? My experience of the ultra-organized and very-planned is that they don't reject a new device to plan with--and coupon organizers, dayplanners, and really awesome totes to put their important stuff in will get used. (You've missed peak Thirty-one season, but keep them in mind for next year. Or check out office supply stores and stationary shops for excellent organizer swag.)

If your someone has a pet, sometimes a good gift for their baby is as good as a gift for them. Think a really kicky collar and lead for a dogchild, or a topnotch catnip treat for that catperson.

If your person is artistic, they might love a fun form of expression like a great calligraphy set or sketch set,  or maybe just a great sketchbook or folio.  Or if you find you have a knitter or crocheter, there is no reason not to gift supplies (yarn can be pricey! even needles! a bag of big skeins isn't an awful plan for someone whose fingers are always busy--and you might get slippers out of the deal!)

You get the idea--ask, listen, see, and make sure you gift them something they will like and use. And always keep in mind gift wrap is just incidental, but it is always nice to put a pretty bow or tasteful card on a gift to show thoughtfulness.  And that is how you make Secret Santa less sucky.

The New Westerns--2 Guns and Last Stand

I had a long weekend coming, so I took off a couple days and saw a few movies, which always centers me, a little. I like movies. I like tv, or comics, or books, for that matter, but movies are like a treat. TV can be good or bad, at times--a show can have an episode that sucks in an otherwise worthy run. Books can suck with redeeming qualities, or be awesome, with reservations. Comics are comics, and I just enjoy them for what they are--a complicated medium.

But movies? To my mind, movies are a finished artwork. When a movie is committed to film, there it is. It tells its story well or poorly. The actors do a job, or they don't. The director makes the story real, or it doesn't come off well. If a movie isn't doing it for me after like, twenty minutes,  I guess it isn't good.  It should give me something to make me bother with it. It should give me a reason to want to see it. This weekend, I saw two movies I rather liked and which I think had something similar going for them--

I think they are New Westerns. They aren't about the Old West. They are about that terrain, but a new reality. The first I caught was a Netflix find: The Last Stand, with Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

I don't have to care for Arnold's politics to like action movies in general, or with him in them. And damn it, I do. This is kind of the story of the honest lawman who sees bringing bad guys to justice as his job, whatever the cost. He assembles a posse, which includes the western trope of a drunk sharp shooter in jail and has certain other touches that kind of feel borrowed from westerns. It is not without comedy. The way of the gun is of course, fetishized, but not unrealistically. A young gun is martyred. There is a kind of mythic unreality about parts of it (a race car that does not seem to need fuel--a bad guy who does not seem to understand his 160 lb ass will be pounded by one someone like A Schwarzenegger, old enough to be his daddy or not.) I don't recall how this one did in the theatres, but since it's a 2013 movie I already got on Netflix, I kind of want to recommend it to see it get a new post-theatre life, because it was a good action flick.  

I also want to give a little prop for 2 Guns. 

This is a more intentionally comedic action film, but it also takes place in the American SW and has elements of the Western genre. Both the Denzel Washington and the Mark Wahlberg characters are isolated from their "tribes" and find an uneasy association with one another. Their mutual language is the Way of the Gun, a cowboy Bushido. Their code is, ultimately, independent and outlaw, because they find that the the arbiters of the codes by which they had lived was false. So they make their own way.  And of course, I love the fuck out of both these actors, seriously. 

In both, there are false women and violence is seen as a solution. They aren't great feminist works, if you know what I mean? But they are excellent action movies, and entertaining--although 2 Guns has this scene with chickens I thought was a bit intense. I like chickens. I like eating them, too, but I don't like them, like, being hurt. So, what I'm saying is, there is a scene if you like chickens you won't like, but if you are okay with violence against humans, this is your kind of movie, for sure!

Also, this weekend I saw Red2. I think this is the only non-stupid movie out of three that have featured Bruce Willis this year. It isn't really a New Western, though. But I sure as hell liked it better than freaking Die Harder than A Very Hard Thing.   But based on a Warren Ellis character, so duh--redeeming fun features. Yay, if you like spy sorts of things. I do. Little bit gratuitously violent, but if you haven't noticed I like action flicks with violence by now, I can't help sort you out any. It has violence. 

Momma's Got a Brand New Bag--or so...

Although it isn't really a "purse-purse" in the aesthetic fashion sense that that one would normally think of purses, the Blue Q shoulder tote actually holds up as a purse in the functional sense of looking cool and holding things. I am a "carrier of stuff" by nature: a big bag person. I've been carrying mine for about a week now, and can tell you it works as a purse because it is definitely capacious enough for my needs. The straps are long enough to rest comfortably on a shoulder while wearing a winter coat (still, alas, despite allegedly being spring, a necessity so far) and it has a pocket into which my automatic Chinese Laundry skull umbrella fits neatly. It has ample room for my wallet, cell phone holder, make-up case, zip-pouch of sundries (wet-wipes, hand gel, notebook, pens, etc.) lunch bag, and one folded "shopper" that I had to also purchase, also from Blue Q:

because I am totally in love with Carolyn Gavin's animal designs and I try to use my own bags instead of "paper or plastic" wherever I go. And I have even managed to shove in a water bottle and my Kindle, so what I'm saying is, if you are a pack beast like I am, this is not a bad way to go. The thin recycled plastic material is surprisingly tough and the zipper is usefully rugged. The woven material handles are not going anywhere nor breaking anytime soon.

So anyway, the bag was a sensible choice that definitely worked out. Also, the Letterpress design is pretty cool, especially if you like an old timey motif (I know I'm a sucker for "old-timey" packaging and advertising material--this reminds me of that).

Ermahgerd, pretty corn...

 I don't know how I missed this corn porn, which was posted at, like, half-a-dozen sites I occasionally visit--but check out this rainbow "glass gem" corn. I don't want to eat it--I want to wear it. I'm speaking as a person who does not make a habit of wearing produce. But that is really some very pretty corn. (Keeeee-rist! Blogger has enjoyed eating the videos I've tried to embed, lately--sorry it took so long for me to notice this one.)

GPOY: Blue Q "Join Us" Tote

I know, that isn't exactly me--but when I saw a fox drinking wine and talking about grapes with a blue hen on a small tote bag made of recycled material, for some reason, I said "That is very relevant to my interests."

Probably because of the "being relevant to my interests."

Anyhoo, I picked up the lovely "Join us" tote from Blue Q (designed by Carolyn Gavin) when I was at Journeys Gifts in Peddlers Village, and I have to say, it's probably the cheeriest lunch bag I've ever had. Also, I like Blue Q because they seem like a cool manufacturer and their products are some of the cutest. Since this is "Strangely Random Stuff"--I have to point out that their site qualifies as strange, random, and cool stuff. Basically this is kind of an endorsement. Also an excuse to point out the totes cute tote I'm pulling my pears and Lara Bars out of, these days.

(I've ordered a shoulder bag that I may blog about because I'm kind of over expensive leather purses, but still a total mega-purse afficcionada. Bigger the better, I say. This is an affordable way to do the status bag without the status: unaffordable credit card bill.)

Meat the Future: From the Printer to the Plate?

  As you can gather from the Strangely Random ouvre, I'm something of a fan of meat. And yet, I'm also something of a fan of the environment, as well as a person concerned about the ethical questions raised by our eating the other species of animal that we share our planet with. I don't subscribe to the concept of the "dumb animal"--from observation, I've come to the conclusion that pigs, cows, chickens, the animals that we have domesticated and enjoy as food, are capable of feeling and thought, even language, of a kind. No, it isn't like our version of feeling or thought, but, still. They aren't people, but they sure aren't things. For that reason, I'm fascinated by the technological answer that might avert the ethical issue--3D printer proteins! Mechanically-generated meat! How in the hell does that work? Well:

Modern Meadows CEO, Andras Forgacs, tooks to Reddit recently to answer questions that people might have about his company’s technology. If you hadn’t heard, Modern Meadows is developing technology to bioprint meat and leather goods. Funded by PayPal cofounder Peter Theil’s Breakout Lab, Modern Meadows has successfully printed a 2 cm x 1 cm x 1 mm artificial muscle. Although the price point for bioprinted meat is still outrageously high, $326,700 for their first sample, Forgas believes his company is creating the future of humanely sourced meat.

So far, very expensively. But if you think about it, it has some serious potential. One could program the ideal marbling. Boost the compostition of Omega 3 fatty acids. Do away with gristle, but maybe still retain the flavor of gelatin. And I'm a little concerned about where the materials that the printer extrudes come from. Until they've worked this all out a bit, I think I'll just work with the grass-fed, free-range, local source meats I get at the Whole Foods.

Steampunk Octopus. I'm going to have to go Burning Man Sometime.

Oh, stop with your Airwick, we're Lampe Berger People, Obviously!

Do you Lampe Berger? Because if you are not doing la Lampe Berger, your living space probably smells like cabbage, wet dog, and "He swore this was the good shit, but, I dunno...."

We came across Lampe Berger lamps whilst traipsing around Peddlers' Village, because we are world-class traipsers and Peddlers' Village is not terribly far from our Far Northeast Philadelphian urban existence. It's a delightful jaunt. We pass sheep, ponies, and other rural things to get there. Things are different there. One can eat very regrettably and shop disgustingly. And we have.  I know this isn't a winning endorsement--but keep it under advisement. One can eat better and shop smarter than Peddlers Village, but one won't fucking Lampe Berger. I fucking Lampe Berger now.  I am too working class to know about this shit--but now I do. And now that I know, I can't unknow this shit, people!

The Lampe Berger is an invention from 1898 that began as a way to "purify" or at least, deodorize, hospitals. It uses a wick to soak up a scented oil/alcohol mix that perfumes a given area. This it does, very effectively.  If you have just cooked a mess of ribs and garlicked peas, your Lampe Berger will stop that mess from making you feel like the ghost of that meal is haunting you all night. It doesn't smoke like scented candles or incense and in its way, is terribly....pretty.  And the variety of scents of the House Berger are many, and for a nasal snob, too exciting.

I make things! These are booties I crocheted for myself!

I've been re-learning how to crochet. My grandmom taught me how to crochet maybe 25 years ago, but it's a skill I didn't really have a whole lot of use for. I started blankets, bags, a lot of projects, when I was younger, but I guess I just wasn't as interested in seeing things out to the end. Now, I feel a sense of accomplishment when I make something I really am satisfied with, and lately, I've been making booties.

I've made two pairs for my husband, and they were okay--the first pair I made, after about 20 years without even touching a crochet-needle, were overlarge, and I think I might want to see if some other, larger-footed male in my family has a use for them.  I made a slightly-better purple pair that my husband does use, and they were nice enough, but I had left over yarn from them, and then found a lavendar and white acrylic that was really soft and really cheap, and thought I'd make myself a pair. Because they were mine, I used the left-over purple yarn to make a detail at the ankle and  pretty flowers that I fastened on with more of the lavendar yarn. I think they turned out pretty nice (although I still seem to be making my projects "big"--they are a tiny bit loose. ) Anyway--random thing! Made by me! I'm kind of proud of them! Yay, crafting!

I haz ellerphunt. Let me show you it.

This is my elephant bottle opener. It is ridiculously cute, but it's also seriously practical. It's a bottle opener. Because it is decorative, unlike the other bottle openers I have, I can't lose the little feller. That makes it exceptionally handy. Also--again--it's cute. It's a little hard to tell, but the bottle-opener part is right where the trunk is. Cheers!

I got it this past weekend at Strawberry Jam on Main Street in New Hope. It's one of the dozen-or-so odd shops out that way I always find cool stuff in. (If you plan on going there--make a list of your friend's birthdays or anniversaries because they have a great card selection that kind of made me wish I had more interesting friends to give cards to.) Anyway, this blog is about random stuff. I randomly found a carved elephant statue that was a bottle-opener, and this qualifies as pretty neat stuff.