You know--Screw Woody Allen

I know, in my heart, I think Woody Allen is a comedic genius and has even made some good movies. But seriously, fuck him.



I get it. Woody is an intellectual and an aesthete and why are we even talking about whether he fucked his own children? I dunno. Because comedy is easy, and if anyone was ever motivated to call him out on fucking them, well, that is hard--for the victims.

I like some of his movies and well, that is how it is. But what I think about all this is--Allen's children hate him. For some reason. I am going to believe them because kissing his ass would have been 100% better for them. But they can't. And I am bound to hear out victims. And I hear them. He had his benefit of the doubt his whole life. When I read what Dylan says, I don't disbelieve her.

He isn't shit to me,  now. Even if Deconstructing Harry was awesome in my book, I dunno. I don't think he has a good answer to this.

It shouldn't be so. But I do believe it because listening to victims and believing is necessary because why else would anyone come forward?

I cannot say her story is bullshit.  And I think he has always shunned answers because he has no good ones. So, I can't even think like my admiration for anything he's done artistically is any equal to his other ethical deficits.

Today's Refrigerators Are Too Smart By Half

You know, they put computers in everything these days. Even the iceboxes:

Security researchers at Proofpoint have uncovered the very first wide-scale hack that involved television sets and at least one refrigerator. Yes, a fridge. 

This is being hailed as the first home appliance "botnet" and the first cyberattack from the Internet of Things. 

A botnet is a series of computers that seem to be ordinary computers functioning in people's homes and businesses, but are really secretly controlled by hackers. TheInternet of Things is a new term in the tech industry that refers to a concept where every device in your house gets its own computer chip, software, and connection to the Internet: your fridge, thermostat, smart water meter, door locks, etc. To a hacker, they all become computers that can be hacked and controlled.

Fine. I'll get the new MacAfee for Fridges.  What I'm holding out for, though, is a fridge that senses when there is nothing inside it and calls out for takeaway.

My Favorite Christmas Album totally has to be John Denver And the Muppets.

Miss Piggy is a great Feminist. Totes. No really. And I will also submit that Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas is like my favorite thing ever. 

In other words, Jim Henson was like my Santa. I miss him so much.

Being Secret Santa Sux--But I Can Help

We've all been there--the dreaded "Secret Santa" or "Pollyanna" drawing, where you have a set dollar amount to give something not-awful to a co-worker or family member. I have some coping strategies beyond the gift-certificate that might make you look like you did good. Real good, even.

The thing to do is take a good look--

Is her manicure game up to the minute?  If you have a giftee who always looks polished, right down to the fingernails, something like a multi-pack of nail top-coats, especially one that includes a nice on-trend version like a matte finish, might be neutral enough to be useful and appreciated (OPI has a nice set). You can probably rest assured that your giftee already has a manicure set with all the fixin's.  This is a nice step up.

Does he have a favorite color? Because seriously--you could not help but notice all the blue sweaters, blue ties, the blue parka, the blue swim trunks. Think inside the crayon box, and get a nice accessory that matches the favorite color of your giftee--scarves and gloves are appreciated for certain climes--but a color-conscious watch might be just in time.  (Although if you know someone who just likes color and always likes to match--there's nothing wrong with a gift that covers the rainbow.)

Sometimes you might find someone who isn't material at all--surely they have a great charity that you can donate to on their behalf! Maybe the giftee fosters animals, or cares for the environment. There are many ways to show your love by gifting worthy organizations, and that might give both of you a glow. You might want to consider giving to your local animal shelter, or maybe giving through Greatergood.org (which partners with some sites which are pretty good shopping.)

Is your giftee organized and then some? My experience of the ultra-organized and very-planned is that they don't reject a new device to plan with--and coupon organizers, dayplanners, and really awesome totes to put their important stuff in will get used. (You've missed peak Thirty-one season, but keep them in mind for next year. Or check out office supply stores and stationary shops for excellent organizer swag.)

If your someone has a pet, sometimes a good gift for their baby is as good as a gift for them. Think a really kicky collar and lead for a dogchild, or a topnotch catnip treat for that catperson.

If your person is artistic, they might love a fun form of expression like a great calligraphy set or sketch set,  or maybe just a great sketchbook or folio.  Or if you find you have a knitter or crocheter, there is no reason not to gift supplies (yarn can be pricey! even needles! a bag of big skeins isn't an awful plan for someone whose fingers are always busy--and you might get slippers out of the deal!)

You get the idea--ask, listen, see, and make sure you gift them something they will like and use. And always keep in mind gift wrap is just incidental, but it is always nice to put a pretty bow or tasteful card on a gift to show thoughtfulness.  And that is how you make Secret Santa less sucky.

All Wormholes Are Probably Connected

Okay, this is probably me watching waaaaayyyy too much genre tv, but when I read this story this week, all I could think was, well no duh, they're a network of stargates.

Because the Blight Has a Thousand Eyes (A Short Story)

We found our missing ones underground in not-so-shallow graves, breathing, and covered in what seemed like eyes.

Let me wind that back. The last six or seven years were like a blur, and things are so different now. You have to understand that at the time, people sometimes did go missing. Everyone didn't know all their neighbors.  We didn't live underground. We didn't expect to find these holes, and we never saw those eyes before.

We were very shocked that they were underground, and breathing, and covered in what looked like eyes. It wasn't normal, and it was happening very quickly, you see. It even took a while before we knew they weren't really eyes.

Not long. Maybe it was recklessness when the utility worker ran a gloved hand over those blisters before calling emergency services. (Utilities were once great systems that kept the lights on. We had specialized people who responded to medical emergencies. ) His foreman told him not to touch them, but sometimes...curiosity, you understand. Wanting to know. The way you ask about what the time was like before. He had to reach in.

The skin moved with the dense fluid under the skin, but rippled like a living thing, and shining a flashlight on them, he could see they looked so much more like eggs. Like clear little eggs under the skin, and if he looked closer?

The "pupils" of the eyes had tails. Or tentacles. Or little fins, and that was enough. And that cleared out the tunnel where the first few infected were found. The CDC shut down the site, but didn't quite shut down the rumor.

Eyes. That were not eyes. That looked like other things.

The Vampire Riviera

I dreamed about something called the Vampire Riviera the other night, so I figured I might blog about it. The area was near the waterfront, like Penns Landing. There were restaurants, open 24 hours, but they didn't seem like places meant for buying food. There were cobwebs strewn with fruit flies decorating them. The area was by no means luxe. The Vampire Riviera was an area along the waterfront where vampires gathered, no more, no less. Young vampires who accosted passersby were a lot like panhandlers. There was nothing romantic about being a vampire, unlike most novels. Talking to a vampire was like talking to a junkie--except more terrifing, in the sense that you might be bit by them. On the whole, I do not think anything called the "Vampire Riviera" should be considered a good thing. It was not a bad dream, only one that cancelled out how modern fiction treats the undead.