We came across Lampe Berger lamps whilst traipsing around Peddlers' Village, because we are world-class traipsers and Peddlers' Village is not terribly far from our Far Northeast Philadelphian urban existence. It's a delightful jaunt. We pass sheep, ponies, and other rural things to get there. Things are different there. One can eat very regrettably and shop disgustingly. And we have. I know this isn't a winning endorsement--but keep it under advisement. One can eat better and shop smarter than Peddlers Village, but one won't fucking Lampe Berger. I fucking Lampe Berger now. I am too working class to know about this shit--but now I do. And now that I know, I can't unknow this shit, people!
The Lampe Berger is an invention from 1898 that began as a way to "purify" or at least, deodorize, hospitals. It uses a wick to soak up a scented oil/alcohol mix that perfumes a given area. This it does, very effectively. If you have just cooked a mess of ribs and garlicked peas, your Lampe Berger will stop that mess from making you feel like the ghost of that meal is haunting you all night. It doesn't smoke like scented candles or incense and in its way, is terribly....pretty. And the variety of scents of the House Berger are many, and for a nasal snob, too exciting.
Now, I am not, myself, a nasal snob, and actually, I lack some gene for even being one. While I have the ability to go to the Great American Beer Festival and maneuver my way from Anheuser Busch to Yards' booths and sample any number of beers and be able to say that I like a given beer more or less, there is something not quite right with me, nasally, or maybe it's right and I never really spelunked the caverns of my cranium on this one before--but scents don't really do things for me. I'm not anosmatic--I can tell lavender from burnt popcorn, it's just that my brain doesn't invest any hierarchy of "good" to "bad" regarding smells. My brain just goes "Oh, that's old cigar" or "Oh, that's roses" or "Oh, someone most definitely farted in here", and I don't actually feel anywhichway about it. I mean, I may feel a little put off if someone released "farticles" in my general atmosphere (which are composed of "stankyons" which are the scent component and "poo-ons", which are the part that remind you that farting comes from the same general area as poo). I'm sort of Doggy, that way. Not to give credence to the impression that my handle or nom de net suggests that I am actually of the belief that I am a weird canid, but dogs are fascinated by smells--even supposedly yucky ones. And I only notice smells. Notice--I don't judge. Things smell like they do.
Diaper pail, warm garbage, feet, all just stinks to me. I can tell the difference from dogshit and pigshit--in fact, I can definitively state that not all critters' shits stink alike. Nonetheless, if I woke up in Italy and smell pigshit, or if I woke up there and smelled the Mediteranean, or the lemon trees, or all of the above--no difference to me: that's just what it is. Trenton sometimes smells of sewer and sometimes of something weirdly unsewer that makes me wonder just what the fuck is that? Smell is just information. If I know my dog is wet--I expect to smell wet dog. Smell is what it is, for me.
My spouse feels otherwise--but then again, he is a cigar smoker. He can tell the difference between the varying smells and flavors of burnt leaves. I sometimes note the difference in how a cigar smells, or whether it makes me feel like sneezing.
But enter Lampe Berger oils. Patchouli. Citrus. Rosemary. I guess I could say I like them better than diaper pail or burnt popcorn, in theory, especially if they are blended to make a "more than" patchouli or citrus or rosemary scent. The scents ain't cheap, and part of me is looking into how I could make the same thing, only bootleg. Homebrewing Lampe Berger oils--with science. Also, the lamps themselves are very pretty and pleasing. I can see how one would be tempted to collect them--unless one had a small house and no particular reason to own more than one lamp. Or two, because they are cute. But not collect a bajillion of them because "so adorbz".
I am Lampe Bergering, but I am ambivalent about it. House has good stink-cave girl don't appreciate monetary outlay for good stink. Makes spouse happy. Cave girl like happy spouse. Okay. We Lampe Berger. But we will not go crazy with this--probably. Even if the whole thing looks like a "good stink" lifestyle. I will bet the money I don't have because we spent it on two lamps and a half-dozen fragrances on it. So there.
No comments:
Post a Comment